Edition 5
Hoffberger First Floor: ★★★1/2
Dear reader,
It has long since been customary for one to require some sort of reading material to accompany them on particularly long trips to the loo. In decades passed, the frequent choice of entertainment was the daily paper. With the advent of the modern day telephone, that practice has faded into obscurity. However, it has become no less important for one to be educated in the variations of restroom quality, so that one can make the vanguard selection for location to do said business. With that in mind, we have taken it upon ourselves to present to you, dear reader, our rankings of the most proper, and the most horrid, of all the restrooms on this fine establishment’s property, so that you may have the best bathroom experience possible.
There has, as of late, been much chatter among this campus in regards to the science building. In the coming years, it seems we gophers can expect a new facility for studies of this topic. However, for the time being, one must suffer through the horrors of Hoffberger. But despite this building’s ramshackle amenities, the restrooms in it are surprisingly mediocre.
The first floor loos are relatively average for a loo on this campus. It has 2 stalls, which are relatively narrow, making this commode unusable for those with large mobility aids. However, right down the hall is a private handicap restroom that is equally clean and well-stocked. The style is dated, and the paint isn’t fresh, but the room is quite clean and well lit. Upon entrance, there is a noticeable pleasant smell from several air fresheners. The depot has a good-sized window that has a fogged-over texture, allowing natural light in while retaining privacy. One can count on toilet tissue and paper towels being available in these loos, and they are relatively low trafficked. This depot is the only one on campus where the SGA/Aunt Flo collaboration is stocked with both pads and tampons. The building’s old-fashioned nature also serves as a plus in this case; there are no automatic sensors in this water closet, meaning one can flush at their own volition, and can control both the duration and temperature of the running water in the sinks.
On grounds of size, accessibility, cleanliness, and privacy, we rate the Hoffberger first floor bathrooms three and a half stars. Despite the dinginess of the wider building, these loos serve as a highlight within.
By “Little John” Flusher
