The independent student newspaper at Goucher College

Bathroom Break


Edition 01

Mary Fisher Lower Floor: ★★★1/2 

Dear reader,

It has long since been customary for one to require some sort of reading material to accompany them on particularly long trips to the loo. In decades passed, the frequent choice of entertainment was the daily paper. With the advent of the modern day telephone, that practice has faded into obscurity. However, it has become no less important for one to be educated in the variations of restroom quality, so that one can make the vanguard selection for location to do said business. With that in mind, we have taken it upon ourselves to present to you, dear reader, our rankings of the most proper, and the most horrid, of all the restrooms on this fine establishment’s property, so that you may have the best bathroom experience possible. 

As the start of the fall semester brings a plethora of bright new students to our lovely campus, it becomes necessary for those with more experience in such matters to educate the fresh compatriots in hidden locales of Goucher lore. One such hidden location is a rather convenient and frequent depot for one’s business, if one only knows the trick to surmising its location. The depot in question, of course, is that of the lower floor of the Mary Fisher dining hall. Located down the stairs to the left of the main entrance to the dining room, and around the corner to the left, these loos are both spacious and clean, as well as relatively secluded. Though the doors to these water closets remain constantly propped open, there is not nearly enough foot traffic down this dead-ended hall for such a rancid condition to carry weighty meaning. Upon venturing into these loos, one will find a plethora of stalls, the scale comparable to what one might find in a modern oversized truck stop and convenience petrol station. Despite their seclusion, these loos remain clean and well-stocked daily, and one will rarely find more than one of the many stalls occupied at any given time. There is a large handicap stall within each engendered quarter, as well as a spacious handicap stall that stands freely as its own room. 

On grounds of size, accessibility, cleanliness, and privacy, we rate the Mary Fisher lower floor bathrooms three and a half stars. 

By “Little John” Flusher 

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