Fireside Lobby: ★★★★★
It has long since been customary for one to require some sort of reading material to accompany them on particularly long trips to the loo. In decades passed, the frequent choice of entertainment was the daily paper. With the advent of the modern day telephone, that practice has faded into obscurity. However, it has become no less important for one to be educated in the variations of restroom quality, so that one can make the vanguard selection for location to do said business. With that in mind, we have taken it upon ourselves to present to you, dear reader, our rankings of the most proper, and the most horrid, of all the restrooms on this fine establishment’s property, so that you may have the best bathroom experience possible.
Within the lobby of the Fireside dorm building lies a bathroom most acquainted with luxury. Located down a hallway, this restroom is a single stall room, as opposed to the typical loo with a long row of stalls. It is incredibly spacious, making it accessible for even those with the most bulky of handicap mobility aids. Furthermore, the loo is decked out with a high end style. It has a moderately sized window that allows a nice amount of natural light to stream in, but is covered with a translucent shade for privacy. In one corner is a table with things like soap, sanitary materials, and, sometimes, pamphlets for reading material. These things make the experience in this restroom feel very high-class.
Because of the loo’s location being at the end of a quiet hallway, the user feels the utmost seclusion and privacy. The loo is not highly trafficked, meaning that one can fully relax and enjoy their experience, without having to worry about passers-by overhearing them or someone waiting to go outside. This depot is also generally well stocked with toilet tissue, paper towels, and soap. Access into Fireside is restricted, due to its being a residence hall; however, students not residing in this humble abode may be lucky enough to gain access due to events being held in its communal kitchen, or to visit acquaintances and friends for social gatherings. If one is able to get access into this bathroom, we highly recommend doing so.
On grounds of size, accessibility, cleanliness, and privacy, we rate the Fireside lobby bathroom a full five stars; an exceptional rating that still undersells the delight users will find in their visit to the location.
By “Little John” Flusher