The independent student newspaper at Goucher College

Bathroom Break


Edition 02

Alcock First Floor: ★★★★

Dear reader,

It has long since been customary for one to require some sort of reading material to accompany them on particularly long trips to the loo. In decades passed, the frequent choice of entertainment was the daily paper. With the advent of the modern day telephone, that practice has faded into obscurity. However, it has become no less important for one to be educated in the variations of restroom quality, so that one can make the vanguard selection for location to do said business. With that in mind, we have taken it upon ourselves to present to you, dear reader, our rankings of the most proper, and the most horrid, of all the restrooms on this fine establishment’s property, so that you may have the best bathroom experience possible. 

As some of the oldest dorms on this hallowed establishment, the humble halls of each building in the Frolicher trio contains water closets which are, to be blunt, sad. However, the ground floor loo in Alcock, while quaint, has a warm, wholesome, homey feeling to it. To be clear, this loo is not without its quirks. Its four sinks contain mismatched faucets. The stalls are located around a hidden corner (providing privacy, at the very least) and are narrow. There is also a disturbing lack of Wi-Fi and cellular service for one using these facilities. There is a peculiar shelving system that, despite consisting of cubbies that are too narrow to use efficiently, takes up an entire wall of yet another narrow corridor. The showers only have one curtain, making it impossible for one to change without literally standing in the shower, and, for some reason, there is a full-sized bathtub. 

Despite these (admittedly many) oddities, one can’t help but be charmed. Perhaps it’s due to the delightful amount of natural light emanating from the full wall of fogged-glass windows. More likely, it’s due to the housekeeping efforts of Tina, the intrepid overseer of this shabby building, who keeps things clean with a vengeance, and has a penchant for decorating with an overabundance of wall-hangings containing inspiring messages, a plethora of air fresheners, and a stunning amount of live houseplants, which she tends to with a passion. Whatever the reason, these loos, which are objectively run-down, feel almost like home. 

On grounds of size, accessibility, cleanliness, and privacy, we rate the Alcock first floor bathrooms four stars.

By “Little John” Flusher 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


Go to Top