The independent student newspaper at Goucher College

Bathroom Break


By “Little John” Flusher

Edition 1

Athenaeum Fourth Floor: ★★★ ½

Dear reader,

It has long been customary for one to require reading material to accompany them on particularly long trips to the loo. In decades passed, the frequent choice of entertainment was the daily paper. With the advent of the modern day telephone, that practice has faded into obscurity. However, it has become no less important for one to be educated in the variations of restroom quality in order to make the vanguard selection for location to do said business. With that in mind, we have taken it upon ourselves to present to you, dear reader, our ratings of the most proper, and the most horrid restrooms on this establishment’s property, so that you may have the best bathroom experience possible. 

With our inaugural edition of Bathroom Break, we present you with the most average of all the bathrooms: the fourth floor loo, located inside the Athenaeum. This bathroom, like its third and first floor counterparts, contains a larger number of stalls, allowing the user to select a cubicle that best matches their comfort level. There is a range of selections, varying in distance from the entrance, and the washbasin. Handicap accessibility is limited – while access into the bathroom is relatively simple, the handicap stalls are not as spacious as one would desire. 

This depot is typically well stocked with toilet tissue and paper towels, making it a loo one can count on. The sinks are controlled by motion sensors, which are somewhat complicated to activate. This motion activation is a newfangled doo-dad that we here at Bathroom Break tend to frown upon – cleanliness should never take a frustrating process to achieve! 

Lastly, this bathroom is frequently used. The sheer volume of stalls ensures that no soul in desperation must wait for a vacancy, but it can be counted on that there will be at least one other tourist in the vacation club while you are there. We here at Bathroom Break value privacy perhaps above all other things. One can almost always count on anonymity of any embarrassing slips in this loo, if they don’t mind waiting for an unsuspecting neighbor to vacant the premises. The restroom is, for the most part, quiet and secluded in its location down a long corridor. However, due to the high traffic of the Athenaeum, total privacy is near impossible, and we recommend any long-term visitors to bring headphones to help create the illusion of solitude. 

On grounds of size, accessibility, cleanliness, and privacy, we rate the Athenaeum fourth floor loo three and a half stars – an unremarkable rating for an average restroom.

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