A story straight out of our campus traditions, bathed in the grey glow of a dismal future, and all set up for one, single line. Enjoy it while you can, for the undead are hangery [sic] and your brains are looking mighty delicious today.

When the outbreak happened, it wasn’t our fault that there wasn’t any way of protecting ourselves. When the uprisings did happen, there was just no chance for some of us. Sure, many tried. But for the most part there was no way of knowing what to do. In the many barracks splattered around the northern UK, people were trying desperately to find a way of self-defense. After The Great Slaughter, guns were banned globally and confiscated from the citizens of the world. They were locked in deep underground vaults with no way of knowing how to open it. Many have tried, but for the most part, people have resorted to more…unconventional means. There have even been a few renegade units that have resorted to just throwing bullets at the zombies while making gun noises in hopes to scare them off. Surprisingly, it works, but only for a time. Only until the zombies come to their senses and try to return.

A bullet a day keeps the zombies away.

However, I knew that there had to be a way. There were whisperings of a new barrack on the rise which had somehow managed to repurposed old children’s toys into fully realized weapons that were able to actually kill some of the infected. When I arrived at the barrack in question, my eyes widened in realization. The guards were outfitted with bright neon pink, orange, green, blue, and yellow weapons.

All plastic. All deadly.

I approached them with my arms up above my hand and stumbled about trying to show them I meant no harm. “I’m a survivor! I’m a survivor don’t shoot!” I said.

They did the normal tests on me, which was to be expected. When I passed, I was let inside and brought straight to the barrack leader’s tent. A huge burly man held in his hand a bright pink, flowered nerf gun, covered in crayon scribbles.

“Those are the weapons?” I asked.

He nodded.

It was then that I realized: it’s nerf, or nothing.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.