Where does self-confidence come from in other people, and how can I work on developing it? Self-esteem is a struggle for me right now.
– Self-Conscious in Sondheim
Dear Self-Conscious,
You are not alone in your struggle. In fact, I’ve dealt with low self-esteem for my entire life. It’s easy to let other people’s perceptions shape your self-image, for better or worse. However, true confidence can only come from within. Here’s a few things I’ve learned over the years:
Avoid talking negatively to yourself. I know that saying nice things to yourself when you’re used to putting yourself down can feel unnatural, so I suggest maintaining a neutral tone. Answered a question wrong in front of your class? Instead of telling yourself you’re stupid, think “I answered that question wrong, so I’ll look back at the reading to understand it better.” Had an awkward social interaction with a classmate? Instead of calling yourself a weirdo, say “That was kind of awkward, but these things happen all the time.”
Alternatively, you can fake it ’til you make it. Confidence exists in your mind and your body. Give yourself permission to hype yourself up- if you like the outfit you picked out, or your hair looks good today, let yourself know! Remember, it’s not delusional to think this way. You are the only constant in your life, so make sure you treat yourself nicely. Additionally, try improving your posture and your facial expressions. Stand up straight and walk around campus like it’s your personal runway. Try making eye contact and smiling at people if you’re feeling bold. Science says you can trick your brain into feeling confident if your body acts accordingly.
It’s also important to focus on your achievements rather than your deficits. Everyone has their own strengths, and it helps tremendously to find yours. You don’t have to be a Nobel Prize winner to feel proud of yourself. There’s a wealth of things to choose from– talents, hobbies, academic achievements, or personality traits. Find something you like about yourself, and use that as a foundation to build up your confidence.
Keep in mind that self-confidence is a journey. In order to become a more confident person, you have to wake up every day and practice being that person. Soon enough, it won’t be practice anymore. I hope this helps you work towards finding a better version of yourself.
– Advice Gopher
Keep an eye on the YikYak app for the next Advice Gopher post, and the chance to have your questions answered!
