The independent student newspaper of Goucher College

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Lee Winters

Lee Winters has 3 articles published.

Six More Facts About Hoobastank That You Will Not Believe! #5 made me want to climb a tall building whilst wearing a gorilla suit holding a small girl in my arms!

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Photo credit: https://www.udiscovermusic.com/news/hoobastank-beautiful-album-push-pull/

After the universal interest in my previous article on Hoobastank, I present to you another list of unbelievable facts about the world’s foremost experts in post grunge, nu metal, and ska punk.

  1. Drummer Chris Hesse accidentally designed the infinity symbol.

Back in the early days of Hoobastank, Hesse would write the band’s name with the two “o”s connected in a little loop. The other members of H∞bastank thought this was confusing, so they reverted it back fairly soon after. Clergyman, mathematician, and Hoobastank fan John Wallis was listening to the band while furthering his research of infinitesimal calculus, and decided that it would be easier to use the connected “o”s Hesse designed instead of writing the word “infinity” over and over. Thus the infinity symbol came to be!

  1. Hoobastank wrote the first elevator music.

Back in the early days of Hoobastank, while they were still gaining popularity, they wrote a series of songs that consisted of upbeat pop rhythms, usually without lyrics. Major General George Owen Squier took particular interest in these, noticing how his perception of time would be sped up greatly due to them being in the background. He, very soon after, used this music as the basis of Muzak, his brand of background music that would be played in retail stores, public establishments, and, you guessed it, elevators. Of course, now that Hoobastank has reached stardom, you won’t be hearing their music in elevators anymore due to those pesky royalty fees!

  1. Doug Robb was a poetry ghostwriter.

Before Robb entered the music world, he was a poet. One of his most eloquent poems, “The Reason,” became inspiration for Hoobastank’s hit song “Crawling In The Dark.” But prior to even that, he spent many of his teen years as a ghostwriter for Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde, Thomas Stearns Eliot, Theodor Geisel, amongst others. Although his poetry didn’t get him too far, it was his love of language that brought him into the world of music, where we love him today.

  1. Dan Estrin is colorblind.

Born in 1904, Estrin was raised in the black-and-white world. When the world started to make the transition to color in 1918, Estrin, as a rebellious teenager, decided to not go through this transition. Now, 101 years later, he stays like the dalmatians, two-toned. In an interview, Estrin said that he prefers this view. This hipster way of life has largely affected Hoobastank’s sound.

  1. The members of Hoobastank are actually the reincarnated members of The Beatles (I’m pretty sure they spelled their own name wrong).

On December 8, 1980, John Lennon was shot in The Dakota, his residence at the time, in New York, NY. Later that evening, Doug Robb was shot out of the womb of his mother in the exact same building. Coincidence? No, not in the slightest. Robb is the reincarnated Lennon. All the three other members of the critically panned band The Beatles also have been reincarnated as the other three members of Hoobastank. It is so great to see four sub-par musicians get a second life in a famously genius band!

  1. The band likes to occasionally dabble in cosplay.

Since 1993, Hoobastank has been spending their free time dressing up. Their favorite outfits resemble those of Swedish pop band ABBA. In the now infamous 2007 NBC Breaking News report, they were seen walking around Central Park, New York, wearing their ABBA outfits, singing “Voulez-Vous” at the top of their lungs. New Yorkers mistook them for the actual Swedish band, but true Hoobastank fans knew that Robb, Estrin, Hesse, and Lappalainen were just having some classic Hoobastankian fun. Every year since this event, fans gather in Central Park to create what has been nicknamed the “Hooba-Vous Choir.”

(Note: we were able to contact Lee Winters soon after last week’s article was published, asking him why the information was made up. In response, Winters did a backflip, and walked away singing ABBA’s “Voulez-Vous,” adding the word “reason” after every “the.” The information published in this week’s article is also completely made up. The editors of the Q are perplexed as to the nature of Winters’s agenda, assuming there is an agenda. He seems to have messed up multiple timelines, and has large interest in a one-hit wonder band as well as ABBA’s fairly unknown song. We will provide more information as we find it.)

Six Facts About Hoobastank That You Will Not Believe! #4 made me want to punch a baby!

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Photo credit: https://www.bbc.co.uk/music/artists/

Hoobastank is the world’s foremost rock band. Known for 2003’s song of the year “The Reason” and others, Hoobastank has become an international household name. Here are six facts (one for each fantastic album) you may not know about this incredible band!

  1. Hoobastank was influenced by Bulgarian wrestling.

Hoobastank’s original bassist, Markku Lappalainen, was a big fan of Bulgarian wrestling. He was especially a fan of Stanka Zlateva, a 5-time European Champion. In her early days of wrestling, she used to come into the ring yelling “Who’s The Stanka?” to which the crowds would reply “You The Stanka!” That response, in a thick Bulgarian accent, gave Lappalainen the idea for the band name Hoobastank. Incredibly enough, after the critically acclaimed 2003 album The Reason came out, Hoobastank was invited to perform the homonymous song as Zlateva’s entrance music during the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens!

  1. Doug Robb is a record-breaking skydiver.

In July 2005, Doug Robb and his brother Bank went on a skydiving trip right outside of San Francisco. They started to get into a fight on the way up into the air, until Bank couldn’t help himself, and yelled “every man for himself,” while pushing Doug off the plane without a parachute. Miraculously, Doug survived, and became the first person to ever skydive without a parachute. This experience became the basis for Hoobastank’s 2006 concept album, Every Man For Himself.

  1. Their Grammy performance caused a riot.

After their new album “Push Pull” came out last year, they were invited to perform at the 2019 Grammys. During the performance of the single “More Beautiful,” Robb started changing the lyrics to some very politically charged remarks, including, “Donald Trump is more beautiful than Shaq,” “climate change would be solved if everyone stayed inside,” “‘Voulez-Vous’ is the superior ABBA song,” and many, many others. The aforementioned ABBA comment caused quite the stir, as the Grammys host Alicia Keys was recently engaged to Björn Ulvaeus, one of the members of ABBA. The crowds started to swarm the stage, and Hoobastank had to be kicked out of the Staples Center.

  1. Hoobastank had a plan to swing onto Broadway.

In early 2008, Hoobastank was contacted by Julie Taymor, known for directing the hit broadway adaptation of The Lion King. She was working on the upcoming musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, and believed Hoobastank would be perfect for writing the music. Of course, the band agreed, and wrote some incredible music for the show. Unfortunately, due to creative differences between Taymor and Hoobastank’s drummer Chris Hesse, they were taken off the project, to be replaced by upcoming artists Paul David Hewson and David Howell Evans of the band You Too. Hoobastank included a few of the songs they wrote for the musical, including the hit “Who The Hell Am I?” in their 2009 Fornever.

  1. Their guitarist may have some Nietzschean blood.

Hoobastank’s world famous guitarist Dan Estrin is an outspoken existentialist. In 2016, he appeared on season 8 of TLC’s Who Do You Think You Are? in an attempt to learn more about his background. On Estrin’s episode, he discovered that he is a distant cousin of Friedrich Nietzsche! Unfortunately, he had a heart attack very soon after this discovery and passed away on December 19, 2016.

  1. The current members of Hoobastank are ready to change the world.

In a 2018 interview with Robb and Estrin, Estrin announced that the entire band will begin campaigning for the 2020 presidential election. When asked why, Robb simply replied, “the reason is you,” stood up, and left, and, as of this publication, has yet to be found. Although we currently don’t know much about their stances or their affiliation, what they have said is that their top priority as president is to change the national anthem to ABBA’s “Voulez-Vous.”

(Note: the editors of the Q researched the information Lee Winters presented in this article, and have discovered none of the information to be true. We are currently reaching out to Winters for an explanation.)

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